What is Circling?

I get asked this question quite a bit. I don’t know that I can ever answer it quite as succinctly as people would seem to like. The answers to the question I give usually lead to more questions. Not that I mind. In fact, enjoy the questions myself, as they allow me to find new and better ways of describing the practice that I love. I find actually participating in the practice and experiencing it first hand is the best possible way of someone beginning to understand.

I usually start off the Circling Labs at the Integral Center by setting context in such a way that has people ready to dip their toes in the process.

Circling is a relating practice, where a group of people come together and focus their attention on what it is like being with each other in the present moment.

Circling is also known as “Intersubjective Meditation”.  The intersubjectivity of the practice comes from the act of more than one conscious mind becoming aware of shared reality in relationship. Thus, making explicit what was unconsciously implicit within the group relationship/dynamic.

I find the word “meditation” means a lot of different things to people. Kind of like the word, “yoga”. For my purposes here, I’d like to use the word meditation to mean the practice of cultivating awareness.

There are far too many meditation practices I know of to name here. (And I’m sure those of you reading this could mention even more) But for the purpose of explaining Circling, I like to think of it as a combined practice of Contemplation, and Concentration.

In a concentration practice, one focuses on an object of concentration. (such as a candle flame, or a mantra, ect.) When one becomes aware that their mind has wandered off the object of concentration, the practice requires you to let go of or quiet the thoughts, and bring your attention back to the object of concentration. (If you have ever tried one of these practices, you’re well aware that it is easier said than done.)

In a Contemplative practice, one sits with an inquiry, and begins to notice what arises in their awareness. This could be a practice of deep reflective thought, in which to bypass the normal construct of the mind.

In the practice of Circling, we often “focus” our attention on a single person, and allow ourselves to notice what arises in our awareness while in relationship with them.

Sounds simple right?

Well, if we are not in the practice of owning our own experience, we may discover that what we are noticing about another, are simply our own projections.  I often share a simple 3 step exercise that helps those of us who may need practice in this area.

Step 1: Notice what you are noticing.

Once again, sounds simple, right? I imagine you asking, “How can I not?”.

For me, I find I’m consistently surprised when I practice this step. When I can slow my internal dialog down enough, my thoughts become very basic.

Something that we are noticing should be generally unarguable. For example, I notice I feel nervousness in my stomach as I type this.

No one can really argue what I’m feeling in my stomach. How would they know? What authority do they have to tell me what I’m feeling?

Step 2: Notice what I’m imagining.

A large part of our minds are dedicated to making meaning of things and situations. This can be very useful, as if I see a door, I can imagine that it will lead me out of a particular space, into another space.  This saves us a lot of time as humans. Imagine if we had to figure out what a door was every time we saw one. I believe humanity would be at a much lower level of evolution if this was the case.

This also can be a source of difficulty, as our minds will sometimes imagine things that are not objectively true or resourceful.

Very often, it can get in way of how we relate to others. If we imagine we know someone’s experience, we might project on to them that they are a certain way. We might assume that they are angry, loving, cold-hearted, warm, hateful, or anything else.

I find, in my life, I can be many different ways, at many different times. I can be all of these things and more.

When we actually slow down and notice that what we are imagining about a person is in fact, just that, what we are imagining, it allows us to own what is arising in our own experience when in relationship to the other person.

Let’s try an example. In the first step, did you imagine anything about me when I revealed that I was feeling nervousness in my stomach while I typed this?

Maybe you imagined that I had forgotten to eat breakfast, and that I was probably just hungry.  Maybe you imagined that I was worried that I would be late for work since I’m writing such an incredibly long blog post. Maybe, I imagine, you didn’t think anything of it, as you were so excited to get to the answer that you were looking for that your eyes skipped over that info, and you actually scrolled up to see if I had actually typed that.

By noticing what we are imagining, we are setting our selves up for the third step, which can be branched off into 2 separate options.

Step 3: Sharing Impact/Getting Curious

After we are aware of what it is we are imagining, we then have the choice of sharing impact with the other person, or getting curious about their experience.

For our example, you might share with me that when you read that I was feeling nervousness in my stomach as I typed this, you imagined that I was probably just hungry.

Or, you could get curious and ask, “What has you feeling nervousness in your stomach while you type this?”

The process of step 3 allows us to understand the experience of the other person better, as well as cultivating awareness of our own pre-conceived notions.

Why is this valuable?

It is my assertion, that cultivating our own awareness allows us greater choice in how we react in any given situation, and that understanding someone else’s experience in greater detail allows for greater connection and intimacy.

I have also found, that the practice of Circling allows us to cultivate our own awareness via intersubjectivity that we otherwise could not access.

As the Spiritual Entertainer Alan Watts once said, “Trying to define yourself, is like trying to bite your own teeth.”.

By utilizing the practice of Intersubjective Meditation, we can cultivate relationships and our own consciousness at the same time.

Awareness Brings Choice

Do you have the desire to create your own vision of an inspiring life?  Are you curious to how you may be holding yourself back from getting the results you truly want?  Have you ever wondered why you don’t always follow through on your commitments?

Like most of us, the daily grind can wear you down and leave you wondering, “Is this all there is?”. Often, we can’t see how our own way of being is creating our reality. Our unconscious beliefs and behaviors shape our experience of the world. But how does one discover one’s own unconscious?

Meditation has been used for thousands of years as a technique to know one’s self better. But, as the wise philosopher Alan Watts once said, “You can’t look directly into your own eyes”. That’s true, unless of course, you use a mirror.

Inter-subjective Meditation is a technique that acts as a mirror for your own consciousness. It’s blend of concentration and contemplative practices allows you to utilize the genuine curiosity of another person, and begin to see some of your blind spots.

The process is simple and logical. Once you have cultivated awareness around your previously unconscious behaviors, you then have choice around whether or not you continue to react in the same way.  Without that awareness, you remain stuck, not knowing how the same situation continues to happen.

Contact me at jasonbasgall@gmail.com for a free introduction to Inter-Subjective Meditation.

Kubrick’s One-Point Perspective

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/48425421″>Kubrick // One-Point Perspective</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/kogonada”>kogonada</a&gt; on <a href=”http://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>

As in Circling, I enjoy gathering as much perspective as I can. To see the world through as many angles and lenses as possible always energizes me.  One of the things I really enjoy about this video, is the many ways in which just staying with the one perspective, actually allows us to see things we might not have noticed otherwise.

Owning my own Experience

In my world, the act of owning my own experience is the most powerful way of connecting with another person. It allows me to own my projections and assessments as my own, and check in with the other person, to see if it matches their experience.

This is another one of my practices, and as the word practice implies, it is an exercise in development, and I don’t always have it mastered. Like any practice, it is a muscle to develop.

Here is a 3 step process I use to develop my ability to own my experience:

1) Notice what I’m noticing.

This sounds like a rule handed down from the head of the Department of Redundancy Department, but I’m amazed at how often I miss this.

I have also found through the practice of circling, that it’s not uncommon for others to gloss this step over.

I once asked a woman what she was feeling in a particular moment. She replied, “I don’t feel anything.”. To that I asked, “What is like to not feel anything?”. Her response, “Scary”.

I find this quite intriguing. Was she truly not experiencing any emotion in that moment, and the experience of not feeling an emotion had her scared, or was she scared at the initial question, and me asking it have her drop into a level of more awareness in the moment?

It was all her subjective experience. I have no authority in stating what she is feeling. AND the experience leaves me even more curious about her process.

This step can also be linked to a practice of what I have heard referred to as “Witness Consciousness”. It is the act of making your subjective experience, objective.

Right now, I’m noticing that I’m typing on my laptop. I’m also noticing that the heat from the laptop is warming up my right leg. I’m also feeling slightly nervous about adding this to the blog.

Which brings me to step number two:

2) Notice what I’m imagining.

Often, in our culture, one can be prone to imagining one knows exactly what is happening in an interaction between ourselves and another. But can we be so certain?

Are we even certain we can know exactly is going on with ourselves?

This imagining we know what is happening with another person can be the source of much misunderstanding and conflict.

What did you imagine I was nervous about at the end of the first step?

So you know, I was nervous that I would be judged negatively for adding to the blog what I was imagining in that moment. (Are you curious why?)

I felt judgmental of my writing style, and imagined others would read it and find it corny. (Maybe you do!)
My own judgement had me feeling nervous about adding it in, for fear that I would appear inferior to some other imaginary blogger in my mind.

Is this true? Maybe. Depends on who you ask. But the fact of the matter is, that was my subjective experience in that moment.

Which leads me to step 3. How to check in with another while owning my experience.

3) Share what I’m noticing and imagining. Then share how I am feeling about it, or get curious if it matches the other person’s experience.

So, in my example here, I’ve noticed I was writing this blog, and imagining that I would be judged as corny. That had me feeling nervous about sharing this blog publicly.

Sharing that has me feel even more nervous, or even a little bit vulnerable to share.

Setting Context for Circling Lab (Part 2)

In my last post, I left off at a point where I explained the concept of one’s subjective experience during meditation. In this post, I would like to expand on what the term Inter-subjective Meditation means to the art and practice of Circling.

In Circling, the participants in the circle are focusing a portion of their concentration on the person being circled, while the person being circled is contemplating their own subjective experience. This practice is in service of what we like to call “getting their world”, meaning understanding the subjective experience of the person being circled, in service of creating an inter-subjective experience.

That’s a lot of “subjective” words. Let me brake it down in my own vernacular. (aka:Talk like a normal person)

One’s subjective experience, is what the world looks like through their filters. It is “the water we swim in”. The more we can understand the point of view of someone else, the more we can understand their motivations, desires, etc. The more we can understand that, the more we can relate to the person. The more we can relate to the person, the more we can share connection.

If sharing more connection with another is not enough, I find there is also another very valuable aspect to this practice.

Through the process of getting the world of someone else, I begin to understand my own a little more. I find I can relate with a new perspective that informs my own perspective. This allows me to know my own motivation, desires, ect. even more. The more I know myself, the more awareness I can cultivate to make informed decisions on how I choose to live my life and react to situations. This creates more efficiency in creating and achieving goals as well as how I interact in relationships.

Also, if I’m the one getting circled, the attention of the group, and their genuine curiosity can allow me more understanding of myself.  Having to explain to another what seems so obvious to me, can have me actually examine why and how I look at the world in the way I do. Once again, this cultivates awareness through relationship with the circle in ways that are not possible on my own.

Setting Context For Circling Lab (Part 1)

At The Integral Center, I facilitate our Circling Lab, Circling Fundamentals, and Circling Happy Hour.

Circling is shorthand for what we like to call Intersubjective Meditation.

I like to start off our Fundamentals class with some basic distinctions on what makes this practice “Intersubjective” as well as set some context for the practice.

First off, let’s take a basic look at the practice of meditation itself, and compare it to the art and practice of Intersubjective meditation (AKA Circling).

Meditation is a  term used to cover a wide variety of practices or disciplines.  It’s like the term yoga, or sports.  It can mean a lot of different things.

(I’m about to simplify things here. I like to keep my blog posts short, and this is a subject that volumes have been written upon in the past. Bare with me. I’m not looking to write an anthology.)

In most mental disciplines of meditation, the practice can be divided in to two categories: concentration, or contemplation.

Examples of concentration meditation practices could be as simple as focusing on your breath for a certain length of time. Also, as in Transcendental Meditation, one could focus on a mantra. Or a candle flame. Or a mandala. Or mindfulness. Or your Aunt Marietta’s meatloaf. Or anything really.

The point of this practice is to focus your attention on the object of concentration. If (really, if I’m going to be 100% honest, I should say when) you should notice your attention drift, you immediately bring it back to the object of your focus.  This practice helps build the discipline of concentration and focus over time, with practice.

The other discipline is one of contemplation. Contemplation is another one of those “tricky” words that means different things to different people. As I am using it here, I’ll refer to it as content-free mind directed towards awareness.

(“Content free mind directed towards awareness” is in, of itself, a pretty tall order.  AND, that’s why we call it practice.  I prefer to go easy on myself and direct my mind back if (when) it begins to drift.)

Now, anything that should arise within ones consciousness during a meditation practice is a purely subjective experience. Nobody, except the one doing the meditation, has any authority over what occurred to the person meditating. It was purely their own experience.

This is where I would introduce the concept of “Intersubjective Meditation”.